There was once a King, and he had
a Queen; and he was the manliest of his sex, and she was the
loveliest of hers. The King was, in his private profession, Under
Government. The Queen’s father had been a medical man out of town.
They had nineteen children, and were always having more. Seventeen
of these children took care of the baby; and Alicia, the eldest,
took care of them all. Their ages varied from seven years to seven
months.
Let us now resume our story.
One day the King was going to the office, when he stopped at the
fishmonger’s to buy a pound and a half of salmon not too near the
tail, which the Queen (who was a careful housekeeper) had requested
him to send home. Mr Pickles, the fishmonger, said, “Certainly, sir,
is there any other article, Good-morning.”
The King went on towards the office in a melancholy mood, for
quarter day was such a long way off, and several of the dear
children were growing out of their clothes. He had not proceeded
far, when Mr Pickles’s errand-boy came running after him, and said,
“Sir, you didn’t notice the old lady in our shop.”
“What old lady?” enquired the King. “I saw none.”
Now, the King had not seen any old lady, because this old lady had
been invisible to him, though visible to Mr Pickles’s boy. Probably
because he messed and splashed the water about to that degree, and
flopped the pairs of soles down in that violent manner, that, if she
had not been visible to him, he would have spoilt her clothes.
Just then the old lady came trotting up. She was dressed in shot-silk of
the richest quality, smelling of dried lavender.
“King Watkins the First, I believe?” said the old lady.
“Watkins,” replied the King, “is my name.”
“Papa, if I am not mistaken, of the beautiful Princess Alicia?” said
the old lady.
“And of eighteen other darlings,” replied the King.
“Listen. You are going to the office,” said the old lady.
It instantly flashed upon the King that she must be a Fairy, or how
could she know that?
“You are right,” said the old lady, answering his thoughts, “I am
the Good Fairy Grandmarina. Attend. When you return home to dinner,
politely invite the Princess Alicia to have some of the salmon you
bought just now.”
“It may disagree with her,” said the King.
The old lady became so very angry at this absurd idea, that the King
was quite alarmed, and humbly begged her pardon.
“We hear a great deal too much about this thing disagreeing,
and that thing disagreeing,” said the old lady, with the greatest
contempt it was possible to express. “Don’t be greedy. I think you
want it all yourself.”
The King hung his head under this reproof, and said he wouldn’t talk
about things disagreeing, any more.
“Be good, then,” said the Fairy Grandmarina, “and don’t! When the
beautiful Princess Alicia consents to partake of the salmon—as I
think she will—you will find she will leave a fish-bone on her
plate. Tell her to dry it, and to rub it, and to polish it till it
shines like mother-of-pearl, and to take care of it as a present
from me.”
“Is that all?” asked the King.
“Don’t be impatient, sir,” returned the Fairy Grandmarina, scolding
him severely. “Don’t catch people short, before they have done
speaking. Just the way with you grown-up persons. You are always
doing it.”
The King again hung his head, and said he wouldn’t do so any more.
“Be good then,” said the Fairy Grandmarina, “and don’t! Tell the
Princess Alicia, with my love, that the fish-bone is a magic present
which can only be used once; but that it will bring her, that once,
whatever she wishes for, provided she wishes for it at the right
time. That is the message. Take care of it.”
hoity toity me!
The King was beginning, “Might I ask the reason—?” when the Fairy
became absolutely furious.
“Will you be good, sir?” she exclaimed, stamping her foot on the
ground. “The reason for this, and the reason for that, indeed! You
are always wanting the reason. No reason. There! Hoity toity me! I
am sick of your grown-up reasons.”
The King was extremely frightened by the old lady’s flying into such
a passion, and said he was very sorry to have offended her, and he
wouldn’t ask for reasons any more.
“Be good then,” said the old lady, “and don’t!”
With those words, Grandmarina vanished, and the King went on and on
and on, till he came to the office. There he wrote and wrote and
wrote, till it was time to go home again. Then he politely invited
the Princess Alicia, as the Fairy had directed him, to partake of
the salmon. And when she had enjoyed it very much, he saw the
fish-bone on her plate, as the Fairy had told him he would, and he
delivered the Fairy’s message, and the Princess Alicia took care to
dry the bone, and to rub it, and to polish it till it shone like
mother-of-pearl.
And so when the Queen was going to get up in the morning, she said,
“O, dear me, dear me; my head, my head!” and then she fainted away.
The Princess Alicia, who happened to be looking in at the
chamber-door, asking about breakfast, was very much alarmed when she
saw her Royal Mamma in this state, and she rang the bell for Peggy,
which was the name of the Lord Chamberlain. But remembering where
the smelling-bottle was, she climbed on a chair and got it, and
after that she climbed on another chair by the bedside and held the
smelling-bottle to the Queen’s nose, and after that she jumped down
and got some water, and after that she jumped up again and wetted
the Queen’s forehead, and, in short, when the Lord Chamberlain came
in, that dear old woman said to the little Princess, “What a
Trot you are! I couldn’t have done it better myself!”
But that was not the worst of the good Queen’s illness. O, no! She
was very ill indeed, for a long time. The Princess Alicia kept the
seventeen young Princes and Princesses quiet, and dressed and
undressed and danced the baby, and made the kettle boil, and heated
the soup, and swept the hearth, and poured out the medicine, and
nursed the Queen, and did all that ever she could, and was as busy
busy busy, as busy could be. For there were not many servants at
that Palace, for three reasons; because the King was short of money,
because a rise in his office never seemed to come, and because
quarter day was so far off that it looked almost as far off and as
little as one of the stars.
But on the morning when the Queen fainted away, where was the magic
fish-bone? Why, there it was in the Princess Alicia’s pocket. She
had almost taken it out to bring the Queen to life again, when she
put it back, and looked for the smelling-bottle.
After the Queen had come out of her swoon that morning, and
was dozing, the Princess Alicia hurried up-stairs to tell a most
particular secret to a most particularly confidential friend of
hers, who was a Duchess. People did suppose her to be a Doll; but
she was really a Duchess, though nobody knew it except the Princess.
This most particular secret was a secret about the magic fish-bone,
the history of which was well known to the Duchess, because the
Princess told her everything. The Princess kneeled down by the bed
on which the Duchess was lying, full-dressed and wide awake, and
whispered the secret to her. The Duchess smiled and nodded. People
might have supposed that she never smiled and nodded, but she often
did, though nobody knew it except the Princess.
Then the Princess Alicia hurried downstairs again, to keep watch in
the Queen’s room. She often kept watch by herself in the Queen’s
room; but every evening, while the illness lasted, she sat there
watching with the King. And every evening the King sat looking at
her with a cross look, wondering why she never brought out the magic
fish-bone. As often as she noticed this, she ran up-stairs,
whispered the secret to the Duchess over again, and said to the
Duchess besides, “They think we children never have a reason or a
meaning!” And the Duchess, though the most fashionable Duchess that
ever was heard of, winked her eye.
“Alicia,” said the King, one evening when she wished him Good Night.
“Yes, Papa.”
“What is become of the magic fish-bone?”
“In my pocket, Papa.”
“I thought you had lost it?”
“O, no, Papa.”
“Or forgotten it?”
“No, indeed, Papa.”
And so another time the dreadful little snapping pug-dog next door
made a rush at one of the young Princes as he stood on the steps
coming home from school, and terrified him out of his wits and he
put his hand through a pane of glass, and bled bled bled. When the
seventeen other young Princes and Princesses saw him bleed bleed
bleed, they were terrified out of their wits too, and screamed
themselves black in their seventeen faces all at once. But the
Princess Alicia put her hands over all their seventeen mouths, one
after another, and persuaded them to be quiet because of the sick
Queen. And then she put the wounded Prince’s hand in a basin of
fresh cold water, while they stared with their twice seventeen are
thirty-four put down four and carry three eyes, and then she looked
in the hand for bits of glass, and there were fortunately no bits of
glass there. And then she said to two chubby-legged Princes
who were sturdy though small, “Bring me in the Royal rag-bag; I must
snip and stitch and cut and contrive.” So those two young Princes
tugged at the Royal rag-bag and lugged it in, and the Princess
Alicia sat down on the floor with a large pair of scissors and a
needle and thread, and snipped and stitched and cut and contrived,
and made a bandage and put it on, and it fitted beautifully, and so
when it was all done she saw the King her Papa looking on by the
door.
“Alicia.”
“Yes, Papa.”
“What have you been doing?”
“Snipping stitching cutting and contriving, Papa.
“Where is the magic fish-bone?”
“In my pocket, Papa.”
“I thought you had lost it?”
“O, no, Papa.”
“Or forgotten it?”
“No, indeed, Papa.”
After that, she ran up-stairs to the Duchess and told her what had
passed, and told her the secret over again, and the Duchess shook
her flaxen curls and laughed with her rosy lips.
Well! and so another time the baby fell under the grate. The
seventeen young Princes and Princesses were used to it, for they
were almost always falling under the grate or down the stairs, but
the baby was not used to it yet, and it gave him a swelled face and
a black eye. The way the poor little darling came to tumble was,
that he slid out of the Princess Alicia’s lap just as she was
sitting in a great coarse apron that quite smothered her, in
front of the kitchen-fire, beginning to peel the turnips for the
broth for dinner; and the way she came to be doing that was, that
the King’s cook had run away that morning with her own true love who
was a very tall but very tipsy soldier. Then, the seventeen young
Princes and Princesses, who cried at everything that happened, cried
and roared. But the Princess Alicia (who couldn’t help crying a
little herself) quietly called to them to be still, on account of
not throwing back the Queen up-stairs, who was fast getting
well, and said, “Hold your tongues, you wicked little monkeys, every
one of you, while I examine baby!” Then she examined baby, and found
that he hadn’t broken anything, and she held cold iron to his poor
dear eye, and smoothed his poor dear face, and he presently fell
asleep in her arms.
Then, she said to the seventeen Princes and
Princesses, “I am afraid to lay him down yet, lest he should wake
and feel pain, be good, and you shall all be cooks.” They jumped for
joy when they heard that, and began making themselves cooks’ caps
out of old newspapers. So to one she gave the salt-box, and to one
she gave the barley, and to one she gave the herbs, and to one she
gave the turnips, and to one she gave the carrots, and to one she
gave the onions, and to one she gave the spice-box, till they were
all cooks, and all running about at work, she sitting in the middle
smothered in the great coarse apron, nursing baby. By and by the
broth was done, and the baby woke up smiling like an angel, and was
trusted to the sedatest Princess to hold, while the other Princes
and Princesses were squeezed into a far-off corner to look at the
Princess Alicia turning out the saucepan-full of broth, for fear (as
they were always getting into trouble) they should get splashed and
scalded. When the broth came tumbling out, steaming beautifully, and
smelling like a nosegay good to eat, they clapped their hands. That
made the baby clap his hands; and that, and his looking as if he had
a comic toothache, made all the Princes and Princesses laugh. So the
Princess Alicia said, “Laugh and be good, and after dinner we will
make him a nest on the floor in a corner, and he shall sit in his
nest and see a dance of eighteen cooks.” That delighted the young
Princes and Princesses, and they ate up all the broth, and washed up
all the plates and dishes, and cleared away, and pushed the table
into a corner, and then they in their cooks’ caps, and the Princess
Alicia in the smothering coarse apron that belonged to the cook that
had run away with her own true love that was the very tall but very
tipsy soldier, danced a dance of eighteen cooks before the angelic
baby, who forgot his swelled face and his black eye, and crowed with
joy.r />
And so then, once more the Princess Alicia saw King Watkins
the First, her father, standing in the doorway looking on, and he
said: “What have you been doing, Alicia?”
“Cooking and contriving, Papa.”
“What else have you been doing, Alicia?”
“Keeping the children light-hearted, Papa.”
“Where is the magic fish-bone, Alicia?”
“In my pocket, Papa.”
“I thought you had lost it?”
“O, no, Papa.”
“Or forgotten it?”
“No, indeed, Papa.”
The King then sighed so heavily, and seemed so low-spirited, and sat
down so miserably, leaning his head upon his hand, and his elbow
upon the kitchen table pushed away in the corner, that the seventeen
Princes and Princesses crept softly out of the kitchen, and left him
alone with the Princess Alicia and the angelic baby.
“What is the matter, Papa?”
“I am dreadfully poor, my child.”
“Have you no money at all, Papa?”
“None my child.”
“Is there no way left of getting any, Papa?”
“No way,” said the King. “I have tried very hard, and I have tried
all ways.”
When she heard those last words, the Princess Alicia began to put
her hand into the pocket where she kept the magic fish-bone.
“Papa,” said she, “when we have tried very hard, and tried all ways,
we must have done our very very best?”
“No doubt, Alicia.”
“When we have done our very very best, Papa, and that is not enough,
then I think the right time must have come for asking help of
others.” This was the very secret connected with the magic
fish-bone, which she had found out for herself from the good fairy
Grandmarina’s words, and which she had so often whispered to her
beautiful and fashionable friend the Duchess.
So she took out of her pocket the magic fish-bone that had been
dried and rubbed and polished till it shone like mother-of-pearl;
and she gave it one little kiss and wished it was quarter day. And
immediately it was quarter day; and the King’s quarter’s salary came
rattling down the chimney, and bounced into the middle of the floor.
But this was not half of what happened, no not a quarter, for
immediately afterwards the good fairy Grandmarina came riding in, in
a carriage and four (Peacocks), with Mr Pickles’s boy up behind,
dressed in silver and gold, with a cocked hat, powdered hair, pink
silk stockings, a jewelled cane, and a nosegay. Down jumped Mr
Pickles’s boy with his cocked hat in his hand and wonderfully polite
(being entirely changed by enchantment), and handed Grandmarina out,
and there she stood in her rich shot silk smelling of dried
lavender, fanning herself with a sparkling fan.
“Alicia, my dear,” said this charming old Fairy, “how do you do, I
hope I see you pretty well, give me a kiss.”
The Princess Alicia embraced her, and then Grandmarina turned to the
King, and said rather sharply:—“Are you good?”
The King said he hoped so.
“I suppose you know the reason, now, why my god-Daughter here,”
kissing the Princess again, “did not apply to the fish-bone sooner?”
said the Fairy.
The King made her a shy bow.
“Ah! but you didn’t then!” said the Fairy.
The King made her a shyer bow.
“Any more reasons to ask for?” said the Fairy.
The King said no, and he was very sorry.
“Be good then,” said the Fairy, “and live happy ever afterwards.”
Then, Grandmarina waved her fan, and the Queen came in most
splendidly dressed, and the seventeen young Princes and Princesses,
no longer grown out of their clothes, came in newly fitted out from
top to toe, with tucks in everything to admit of its being let out.
After that, the Fairy tapped the Princess Alicia with her fan, and
the smothering coarse apron flew away, and she appeared exquisitely
dressed, like a little Bride, with a wreath of orange-flowers and a
silver veil. After that, the kitchen dresser changed of itself into
a wardrobe, made of beautiful woods and gold and looking
glass, which was full of dresses of all sorts, all for her and all
exactly fitting her. After that, the angelic baby came in, running
alone, with his face and eye not a bit the worse but much the
better. Then, Grandmarina begged to be introduced to the Duchess,
and, when the Duchess was brought down many compliments passed
between them.
A little whispering took place between the Fairy and the Duchess,
and then the Fairy said out loud, “Yes. I thought she would have
told you.” Grandmarina then turned to the King and Queen, and said,
“We are going in search of Prince Certainpersonio. The pleasure of
your company is requested at church in half an hour precisely.” So
she and the Princess Alicia got into the carriage, and Mr Pickles’s
boy handed in the Duchess who sat by herself on the opposite seat,
and then Mr Pickles’s boy put up the steps and got up behind, and
the Peacocks flew away with their tails spread.
Prince Certainpersonio was sitting by himself, eating barley-sugar
and waiting to be ninety. When he saw the Peacocks followed by the
carriage, coming in at the window, it immediately occurred to him
that something uncommon was going to happen.
“Prince,” said Grandmarina, “I bring you your Bride.”
The moment the Fairy said those words, Prince Certainpersonio’s face
left off being stickey, and his jacket and corduroys changed to
peach-bloom velvet, and his hair curled, and a cap and feather flew
in like a bird and settled on his head. He got into the carriage by
the Fairy’s invitation, and there he renewed his acquaintance with
the Duchess, whom he had seen before.
In the church were the Prince’s relations and friends, and the
Princess Alicia’s relations and friends, and the seventeen Princes
and Princesses, and the baby, and a crowd of the neighbours. The
marriage was beautiful beyond expression. The Duchess was
bridesmaid, and beheld the ceremony from the pulpit where she was
supported by the cushion of the desk.
Grandmarina gave a magnificent wedding feast afterwards, in which
there was everything and more to eat, and everything and more to
drink. The wedding cake was delicately ornamented with white satin
ribbons, frosted silver and white lilies, and was forty-two yards
round.
When Grandmarina had drunk her love to the young couple, and Prince
Certainpersonio had made a speech, and everybody had cried Hip hip
hip hurrah! Grandmarina announced to the King and Queen that in
future there would be eight quarter days in every year, except in
leap year, when there would be ten. She then turned to
Certainpersonio and Alicia, and said, “My dears, you will have
thirty-five children, and they will all be good and beautiful.
Seventeen of your children will be boys, and eighteen will be girls.
The hair of the whole of your children will curl naturally. They
will never have the measles, and will have recovered from the
whooping-cough before being born.”
On hearing such good news, everybody cried out “Hip hip hip hurrah!”
again.
“It only remains,” said Grandmarina in conclusion, “to make an end
of the fish-bone.”
So she took it from the hand of the Princess Alicia, and it
instantly flew down the throat of the dreadful little snapping
pug-dog next door and choked him.